“Choose not to be harmed,” Marcus Aurelius wrote, “and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.” He meant that if you don’t feel like you’ve been singled out or screwed over, then were you? No, because that’s a subjective feeling. Just as it is subjective whether you feel the intention of this blog is victim-blaming or whether you see it for what it is: a different way to think about the situations in which we find ourselves throughout life.

Getting cut from a team—that’s objective. A sense that you were dealt a grave injustice? That isn’t. The resentment you decide to nurse for getting cut? That’s self-chosen pain. And choosing it usually comes at the expense of getting back to work and earning your spot (or changing teams so you’re no longer at the mercy of that coach). Being born poor or dyslexic or being at the wrong place at the wrong time: those are not your fault. No one is disputing the realness of the pain those circumstances would cause — and have in my life, and yours. But what is less real—what’s chosen—is the chip you carry on your shoulder about the circumstances of your life. So is deciding to lie down and quit — or focusing on who you can blame.

I’m not good at applying this attitude: not yet, but I’m working on it. When I’ve exercised this attitude, it’s cleared my mind of unhappy emotions and allowed me to proceed with my purpose.

I believe it. I thought I’d tell you about it.

Let me know what you think.